Positive Steps  for Stepfamilies

The primary relationship in a marriage should be that of the couple. Create an ongoing pattern of communication with each other.

  • Provide couple unity in family issues for the benefit of the children.
  • Be aware of the different lifestyles and value systems, which are being combined into your stepfamily situation.
  • Show the same respect for your stepchildren as you expect from them.
  • Consider the combined children as ours, not yours or mine.
  • Remember that your biological children know you better than your new spouse. Be aware of your over protectiveness as a biological parent.
  • Consider the children living apart from the new stepfamily as being as much a part of the stepfamily as those living within.
  • Keep communicatin open, whenever possible, with ex-spouses for the sake of the children.
  • Appreciate the individuality of each child in the stepfamily.
  • Provide a reasonable territorial space for each family member.
  • Address financial issues before the marriage to a mutually acceptable term. Continue to negotiate monetary adjustments with each other.
  • Be flexible in resolving issues and be willing to try various alternatives. Everyone makes mistakes. If you find yourselves unable to come to a solution, seek professional guidance and counseling.
  • Keep a sense of humor.
  • Raise the consciousness of your family, friends, teachers, and clergy about the uniqueness of a stepfamily.


  • Smart Stepfamilies - Christian resources for single parents, dating couples with kids, stepfamilies, and the churches who serve them.